THE WINNERS

Tables, set with plush linen, fine and white, a backdrop to exquisite silver cutlery. A four piece classical ensemble set the mood to tranquil sophistication…the whole sublime. The guests arrived…escorted by the concierge to individually named tables, nods and smiles were exchanged amongst the invited, they were after all, closely related.

Chatter bubbled through the gathering...

“whit dae ye thinks goin on here, eigh …
"ye  canny trust they McCann’s."
" am suspicious…"
" aye, they’ve  pulled awe the stops on this wan…."
" am no that fond o posh grub, a fish supper ..that wid dae me…”

The ensemble struck their first notes…and so began a royal feast ….drinks flowed, chat and laughter filled the room.

At the final clearing of plates…the quartet’s volume slowly declined to a whispered stop ….  a glass, tapped by a silver spoon silenced the now happy throng..

Alec McCann rose to speak..“My lovely…lovely relatives, you thought you were all invited here tonight to mark Betty and I’s 30 years of marriage…you will of course have noticed, that only family heads have been invited …dear guest, please do not interpret this as a insult to your children and grandchildren ..all will become clear in due course."

"The staff will now place on your table an envelope addressed to each couple, please do not open until  instructed to do so. It is now 10.30 pm. At 11.00 pm you will be asked open them."

"The time has come for Betty and I to say our farewells …we have a taxi booked to take us to Glasgow airport and then we fly on to foreign parts for a long deserved holiday. The staff are here to serve …feel free to order anything you wish…enjoy yourselves…I’m sure the minutes will pass quickly .”

Farewells we’re bid, strained by the peculiarities of the situation…The taxi left and the concierge announced…”ladies and gentlemen if you could please return to your seats in the dining area.”

Chatter prompted by curiosity resumed…

“whit are that per up tae…"
"we’re awe probably going tae huvtey pay for this do."
"something no right about this."
"if this is a joke all kill that wee shite McCann."
"imagine no inviting the weans …bloody shame on them.”

and on…a rippling trail of bickering, nips and complaints.

Once again…..attention demanded by silver on glass, the gathering silenced…”Ladies and gentlemen it is now 11 pm ….you may open your envelopes…” The quartet began to play…Air On a G String by Johan Sebastian Bach …to the backdrop of tearing paper…

A ear piercing scream filled the air …Aeeeeeeeeee…followed by a faint…groan crump…Alice McCann her plump body keeled over…taking with it the tablecloth and entire table setting…smash, tinkle, crash, clatter!…..nobody came to her aid…  all seemed spellbound, wide eyes scanned..the envelopes contents …again and again in disbelief..then a loud cry ……”nanama scrist “…and another …”my god”…..and another “ah don’t believe this” … “salvation”, “hallelujah” ..extatic joy and jubilation filled the room..the guests danced, hugged, laughed…some cried.. others sat in silence reading and rereading the card…

'Dear kith and kin…Betty and I, have by the grace of god had a lottery win. We would love to share this with you. Attached is a cheque for £1,000,000. It is yours do with as you please. Spend it wisely our only advice.'

Champagne flowed, ….some sang “were in the money …we’re in the money”…jubilant in new found fortune…worries dissolved …plans were formed

A loud angry voice interrupted the celebration!….John McCann, Alec’s brother a frowned face …stood in front of the musical quartet, promptly silenced by his aggression…”right you lot...shut it..”.  then turning to the guests..     “right …let’s have a bit of order here..”

“ Aye whit a bunch of mugs…ye kin awe sit there pleased and smug…but! did you no read in the papers last week of the lottery winner in the Glasgow area who won 97 million quid."

Agnes McCann, Johns wife screamed.."Whit! 97 million…and there is only ten couples here the night…that means the wee shites away wi 87 million quid! "

This revelation primed a tirade of abuse…“Whit…miserable wee bastard! an au he could gee us ….a lousy million…”

More joined the fray….”Whit an effin insult ..that per were aye tight fisted but this takes the biscuit.”

“It’s as well he’s left or a wid stick this check where the sun don’t shine:”

Within minutes…exuberant joy had transformed into revenge, threat and violent intent.

“Right!” blared John…”This is whit we’re going tae dae…we’re family, …..we want ooor fair share…we’re entitled tae merr…an we’ve now got the money tae sue …an ah say we go fur it…”

“Aye! “ screamed the crowd in unison…. a glass smashed, a table upturned, as a lynch mob frenzy overwhelmed the throng the furnishings suffered badly.

Simultaneously in their sumptuous private jet, Alex and Betty sipped champagne…cruising high on a one way trip…en route to their newly purchased home …Le Maison Bourgeoise.  a €10,000, 000 chateau and vineyard in the Bordeaux region.

Alex gazed from the window, the midnight bespeckled jewel of Paree passing slowly below…

“A penny for your thoughts Alex”…asked Betty. …

“Aye hen, a wis just wondering if the polis have been called to the function yet.”

"Don’t you worry about that Alex…all is in place…the slightest bit of bother and the cheques bounce."

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