Five wee boys standin’ roon the back
Little pointed willies in hand
“I can pee as high as
Ma belly.”
Says one
“My chest,”
Says two
“Ma shooders,”
Says three
“Ma heed,”
Says four
“The highest,”
Says five
Altogether they shout “Ready . . . steady . . . pee!”
Four young squaddies standin’ in a trench
Pointed fixed bayonets In hand
“I’m goany kill
One German,”
Says one
“Three Germans,”
Says two
“Six Germans,”
Says three
“The maist
Says four,”
The captain shouts “Ready . . . steady . . . CHARGE!”
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Three young men standin’ on the terracin’
Big screw-tap boatles in hand
“I’m goany skelp
One Tim,”
Says one
“One Hun,”
Says two
“Aw them,”
Says three
In one voice they scream “Ready . . . Steady . . . FLING!”
Two auld guys standin’ in the loo
Aged wrinkled willies in hand
“I can pee in
Four minutes,”
Says one
“Seven minutes
Says two,”
Both together they screech “Ready . . . steady . . . SQUEEZE!”
One auld fella laying in his box
Rosary beads in hand
“I’ll say one Hail Mary,”
Says his carer
“I’ll say three,”
Says his nurse
“I’ll say ten
Says a stranger,”
The priest then whispers
“Ready . . . Steady . . . Fire”

“