Bernie Muldoon


His name was Bernie Muldoon and that was the only uncool thing about him. Everything else was just cool, from his thick golden locks down to his classic leather loafers and everything in between. There was nothing ostentatious about his apparel, it just proclaimed style, not fashion. Bernie believed that fashion was temporary, while style was continuous.
Bernie was one of those to whom others, both male, female and those of indeterminate gender, seemed to gravitate. He didn't try to be popular, he just was. His natural charm and sense of humour were in and of themselves attractive, but it was something more that was the draw. Many of his friends had tried to explain the phenomenon but just couldn't put it into words. He was just Bernie and that was that.
Life itself seemed to favour Bernie and he breezed through every element of his educational journey, completing it with a First in Maths and a Doctorate in Economics. This opened up the job market for him, stepping into a post in one of Britain’s most prestigious accounting firms, with a base fortunately, of course, in Glasgow. Heaven forbid that the Golden boy would have to up-sticks to further his career.
So there we have him Dr. B Muldoon BSc., D. Ec., with his life laid out comfortably before him until... fate took a hand, in the form of a beautiful young lady. She appeared one day in his office on the tenth floor. She turned heads, all heads, as she glided across the floor, stopping in front of Bernie’s desk. The young man lifted his head, as he sensed her presence, and for once n his life, he was speechless. What stood before him was more than a match for him; someone who was equally, if not more beautiful, than himself. She, without uttering a word, handed him an envelope. Unable to take his eyes from her, he took the envelope and clumsily opened it. “I’ve been assigned to shadow you for the next month. If that's ok with you.” Her voice was assured and there was a hint of an accent, which Bernie couldn't quite place.
Quickly he managed to gather himself together and replied, of course, I’ve been expecting you. Have a seat. Would you like a coffee...tea?”
“Coffee would be nice, black. No sugar.
Eleanor knew her worth. It had taken her a long time to get where she was and she was determined that nothing was going to prevent her achieving her goals, and sitting in front of her now, was a very important stepping stone en route. What was imperative was, that he never became aware of her designs. She sat back slightly in the chair and crossed her legs, just tantalizingly enough to make him react as all men did when she did this. His reaction told her that he had taken the bait. He was hers now.
During the first week, she played the bright, but slightly dizzy looker, who hung on his every word. Bernie was impressed and gave her the full Muldoon treatment. He watched as she looked up at him, while he was in full flow. This was classic Bernie: full of charm, wit and sexual energy. It had always worked and was working now. At the end of each day, he gave his acolyte suggestions of things that that she should work on to help her progress in the business.
Sure enough Eleanor did work on into the night to help her progressions, but not on Bernie’s suggestions. She had her own agenda and followed it doggedly, well into the wee hours.
After her shadowing period was completed, Bernie felt, as he was no longer her tutor, that it was now appropriate to ask Eleanor out. Unsurprisingly to him, she agreed.
The meal was excellent and they both had an equal share of a very expensive bottle of wine, followed by coffee. Bernie was feeling vey mellow and relaxed until he suddenly became aware of Eleanor's hand very high up on his right thigh. He looked at his date, but she seemed to be studying a mural on the wall behind him, then she slowly lowered her head, looked at him and smiled; it was a smile that both melted his heart and his loins simultaneously.
Eleanor left the crumpled bed and made her way across the floor. Her route .was waymarked by the clothing they had both helped one another out of in the early hours, including her pants which had somehow managed to become draped over her desk lamp.
In the shower she stood and allowed the water, which was much hotter than she normally used, pound down on her shoulders and run down her body. She, mentally reran the events of the previous few hours and was very surprised. She'd had many lovers and one-night stands, but this was different and her body was agreed. She had never felt like this before. Her whole body tingled and glowed, it was indeed, a unique experience, and that was because Bernie was unique.
She catalogued her bedroom experience and narrowed down why it was so special to these basic facts: Bernie was considerate, gentle when required but forceful in equal measure, he was passionate, generous and his power of recovery was prodigious. She sincerely hoped there would be a rematch.
While his hostess showered Bernie lay back on the bed, his hands behind his head, and smiled.
Over the next few months there were many repeats of that first passionate encounter and both appeared to be content, both to meet coConjugally outside of work but also to continue with a very good working relationship. That is, until one Monday morning, sometime after his coffee break, Bernie noticed something disturbing happening on one of the three screens that surrounded his desk. Red lights began to flash on the company business accounts, and then graphs, which norma y rarely fluctuated, began to dive almost vertically.
At that moment he heard calls from the other nearby offices, where his colleagues were obviously witnessing what he was seeing. “What the fuck is going on here?” seemed to be the common cry as shocked financiers saw their world collapse before them.
As many tim as Bernie had been in his boss’s office, he still couldn't get over the size of the desk in front of him. “It's just fuckin' ridiculous.” He,said to himself, for the umpteenth time. The fact that his CEO was a very small man made the enormity of his desk even more unfathomable.
“It was her.” Stated his chief
“The fact that she's not hereand is uncontactable would suggest that, yes.” Ber,ie said calmly.
“How much damage has she done?”
“The estimate for just now is in the region of 120mil, but we won't know exactly until all the markets have opened . I reckon we are looking at another fifty on top. That's the financial hit, but it’s the reputational damage that could be more serious.” Bernie's voice remained calm as he awaited his instructions.
“You can fix this Bernie. Can't you?”
“I trained her well. But what she has forgotten is that I trained her. She has the edge given her time advantage. I have the edge with my experience and my understanding of how she works. So, yes I can fix this.”
Eleanor was on the flight while Bernie and her ex-CEO were meeting. She would be landing in Berne in an hour, with a follow-on flight to Bermuda, carrying her newly acquired Canadian passport. She had time for just one more glass of champagne.
Unlike many of his colleagues in the finance business, Bernie had no scruples when it came to security. Unknown to those employed both below and above him, Bernie had installed spyware on all the company equipment, whether they were computers, mobiles or any other electronic devices, thus he knew who was doing what, in all departments. He set to work immediately.
For Eleanor everything seemed to be going as smoothly as she had predicted until it wasn’t. The first hitch was the delay, at the luggage collection carousel, when all cases except hers appeared. As she approached the customer service desk, she saw two figures standing: one male, one not. They both stepped towards her and, in concert, showed their credentials.
“Well,” said the CEO. “they picked her up in Switzerland, and she’ll be deported within the month. How are you doing with retrieving the money?”
Bernie sat down in front of the that enormous desk and said,” Well, you know I had been watching her for some time and I knew most of what she was up to. That allowed me to keep track of the money and I've managed to retrieve most but not all of it. The final transactions were done very quickly and that was how she managed to get to the airport before I realised she had gone, She seems to have squirreled away jus north of seven mil that I cant track anywhere.”
“Better seven, than nearly one hundred and seventy. So well done Bernie, there's a nice big bonus coming your way.”
Bernie simply nodded, smiled and left.
That night Bernie poured himself a large malt and sat by his fireside. The laptop in front of him was not company issue, indeed it was unobtainable anywhere, except on the dark web. He opened his browser, again obtained from the DW and then he opened his Swiss bank account. And there sitting awaiting him were six zeros preceded by a handsome seven, all ready and waiting.
A story about a cool guy.